The Father Wound: Visibility, Validation & Creation
I'm sure you've heard the quote that's been floating around on the internet for the last however many years, but it's basically like realizing you've become the person that you needed as a child. And I've been sitting with that a lot lately, in that I have become that person. I have become the person that I needed at 10, 14, 20, and beyond.
Each layer of my evolution and dissection of my shadows presents me with the next version of growth to become the person who can hold what I could not hold back then. And I've stated this many times here on the podcast and I teach this inside of my courses, inside of my mentorships I truly believe that we are extremely conscious in our choices around what we experienced in our youth, especially before our Saturn return. And of course that ripples through if you're not ready to learn those lessons around your Saturn return, and you know, it happens at 35 or 40 or 70. There's no timeline. You're never too late to the party to become the version of yourself that you needed at whatever point in your life. And that I truly, truly believe is part of our karmic liberation.
That is part of us healing, clearing, and like putting a soothing balm on the collective karma. It's like each one of us is here to decode a certain frequency or many frequencies of the zodiac, but we can't carry all of them, right? So this is why some of us have mother wounds in the realm of Leo or Virgo or in the realm of the eighth house, Scorpio, Pluto, whatever it is, we can't carry all the wounds. We can't carry all the collective shadows. So each of us is coming here to heal a piece of this. And if you are reading this, I truly believe you're a part of this experience.
Not everyone's doing this work and not everyone's meant to. And that’s okay.
So as I've been sitting with this frequency of becoming the of myself that I needed (and I'm sure you're having moments right now of realizing that you have also become that version of yourself that you were seeking that when you were sitting in your bedroom at 16 years old while you were falling falling apart… because most of us are doing that at 16 years old) Do you have the capability and knowledge to step into that timeline and work with that version of yourself. Whatever period of your life that is.
I wanted to present you guys with a new conversation today that is so interlinked to ancestral karma, ancestral astrology, and something I've been decoding in my own birth chart for the last year, or maybe a little bit longer. It started to come up years ago, when I started to understand that there was this key inside of our birth charts that we could use to understand what we came from this ancestral blueprint, this karmic blueprint. And for me, it is around the father wound and the wound of creation.
The Father Wound:
The "father wound" is a term used in psychology and personal development to describe the emotional pain and unmet needs resulting from a dysfunctional or absent relationship with one's father. This concept can apply to both men and women and can have profound effects on an individual's emotional and psychological well-being.
Let’s use my chart as an example…
I have my sun in either the 12th house or the 11th house (whole signs vs placidus house system) so that either way you cut it, the father is very hard to “get to”, he is elusive, he's “not there”, in and out, and he can be hard to access or comprehend. Even when he is there, I don't fully understand who he is, what he is. And it is like this intangible force. I might always feel, I talked about this a little bit on the podcast that I did with Renata [We Were the Black Sheep: Now We're Breaking Family Curses with Astrology] all about being a black sheep.
My dad is an amazing guitar player and an absolutely stunning singer. He can bring you to tears with his voice. He used to sing the song ‘don't want to fall in love’ by Chris Isaac in his room all alone with his guitar. And I would just sit there in awe.
My mom always said that my father had “a chronic case of stage fright” and then it passed to me (and my mom's my biggest fan, she still to this day is asking “why aren't you making music anymore?”) And my father has, as far as I know, never listened to my music. He's never asked about my music. He's never had an interest as far as I know on this end. (Again, he's elusive. So he might be doing things I have no idea about. He might be out there listening to my podcast and I would have no idea.) But he's never asked about my music.
So my mom used to say, my dad had this chronic case of stage fright and he will never show his beautiful gifts to the world because he's terrified of rejection and he's terrified to be seen and to shine his beautiful Leo light. Now for a long time, I, as a kid, I would just kind of laugh this off. And I would think “that won't be me. That isn’t me.”
I remember being 16 years old. I was upset about something and having a heart to heart with my dad. And I said, when I grow up, I want to be a singer songwriter. And he looked at me and he said, “I'll believe it when I see it.” He just looked me in the eyes and said, those words basically saying prove it, which is very much the Saturnian Father. As far as I understood when it came to my father it was the expectation for me to go to university, get my degree, get a good job, do the traditional thing and just, you know, ride out the wave of life.
And so I remember this point in my life, just feeling absolutely annihilated by his words. And they sat with me for so long. I stopped singing around that time for a long time.
And as I've been sitting with this recently, this father wound and the energy of the father, because there's so many places, like I mentioned with the mother last week, there's so many places we can look to in the chart to understand the father, but this energy of the sun is one of them. And the father, the way that it's coming through right now for me is really around our visibility and our ability to feel our creative spark.
So I mentioned in the podcast on the mother wound last week about the book Luminaries by Liz Greene and Howard Sporata when I was talking about the moon and the sun. I wanted to expand on that a little bit more today because essentially I mentioned that symbiotic relationship between the mother and child with the moon. The moon and child and the need for safety nourishment and to be supported and the father, they explain is what is beyond the safety of the mother, when the child starts to recognize that they aren't part of the mother and that they have an individual life force, they start to lean away from the mother.
Howard Sporata’s describes that typically what is supposed to be found beyond the mother is the energy of the father. (If you want to make this genderless, I really don't care, but it's the energy of the divine masculine.) Beyond the safety of the mother the child finds their creative spark. And the father teaches you, “well, what else is out there?” And so to look at our sun sign to understand, this is actually where we start to want to be seen and we start to want to express ourselves as individual people. But when the father shows us anything less than support, love, cheering us on for being special we learn that's not safe. When we're met with the energy of “prove it” or the energy of” I'll believe it when I see it”, or the energy of “work hard”... this is where you learn whether you are worthy of love, success, and whatever else you’re craving.
In our sun sign, we are chasing approval, as well as Saturn. But the sun at its highest asks you to express without external validation.
The Creation Wound:
The creation wound contains the sacred spark within you that is connected to source divinity that wishes to be creative in some way here on earth. Whether that’s through art, music, story telling, pottery, having babies, dancing, laughing, making beautiful picnics, taking pictures of sunsets, creating a business… it doesn’t matter “what” it is that you’re creating. It’s the simple act of creating. Within the wound is the turning off of this sacred energy, the disconnection from source (often due to productivity) and ultimately the loss of play in life.
External Validation:
Here’s the thing…
If we are continuously seeking out approval from external sources, it will always stop you from creating. It will always stop you from that spark that's within you. The spark within you doesn't care about judgment, your ego cares about judgment. When that divine spark is worried about the external judgments, the external support, or validation it stops you from allowing pure source energy and the channel to come through. And I see this within my own life a lot. And this is something I am opening the can of worms on and down the road, I will definitely be doing something around this creation wound because the more we move into the energy of the Aquarian realms we're in, whether we're in the age of Aquarius or not, I have no idea, but we are in Pluto and Aquarius.
And the more we delve into Pluto and Aquarius, the more we're going to see the axis of Leo and Aquarius. Now Aquarius wants to express its unique individual self. It wants to progress.
It wants to change. It wants to create from the inner genius. Now Leo is on the other side and it wants to create from the divine spark.
It wants to be special. It wants to express its divine creativity from within. And we find the teeter-totter between the two is who's watching, who's judging, who will this impact? Who will stop me? Who will, uh, who will love me? Who will support me? Who will tell me I'm not good enough? Every teeter-totter we experience here, when we're in our lowest, when we're in the wound, it stops you from the divine force.
But there's something that wants to come through, or maybe there's a piece of you that just wants to slow down, have fun, not have any productivity tied to what you're creating. And yet there is the wound. And the wound tells you “I have to be validated, I have to be validated, or I'm terrified to be seen,” or whatever comes up for you in this conversation. Let that bubble up to the surface. Let that expose itself because there is so much in the realms of the father, the sun, and the creation wound itself.
Cultivating your own self worth:
The external validation you’re seeking will never fill the void you feel within.
As much as we’ve been emotionally programmed to believe it’s possible to receive the love, support, and nourishment we seek outside of ourselves first - it’s simply not the true.
I’ve had to sit deeply with the fact that my desire (and fear) to be seen is seeded deep within my desire to be seen by my father and that means that anyone who does not give me the recognition I crave externally becomes my father, by activating the father wound.
But powerful creation does not come from approval.
Powerful creations are born from the divine spark that MUST be birthed from you, regardless of what others think.
The medicine in this wound is in releasing the need for approval from outside sources and starting to foster deep acceptance of that which you wish to create from within. In other words, f*ck what they think.
Want to hear more stories that relate to this topic? Make sure you listen to the Podcast in Full here.
What to listen to next?
Are you working on healing your Mother Wound too? Listen to the full episode on the Moon and the Mother here.
Listen to We Were the Black Sheep: Now We're Breaking Family Curses with Astrology with Renata Taravski here.
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